I Can Literally Feel My Heart Breaking (An Open Letter To My Ex)

I know this is out of the blue and I know that you haven’t thought about me in ages and I know that this isn’t what you want and I know that this is pathetic and stupid and pointless but I have to tell you because I can literally feel my heart breaking as I type this but I fucking miss you. A lot. So much that it physically hurts my chest. And I know that you want to be independent and I know I’m annoying and basic and dumb as hell and I know that you’ve probably blocked me but I have to tell you that I’m still so fucking in love with you. I’m so fucking in love with you and I fucking hate myself for it. I hate that I can’t stop thinking about you and I hate that I can’t say that I’m over you and I hate that every second of every minute of every day I think about you and how much I miss you and how much I miss just looking at you or being with you or hearing you laugh or watching you do the most mundane things and thinking “God I fucking love you so much”. And I hate that I feel this way because everybody has been telling me since my birthday dinner last year that you’re wrong for me and that I shouldn’t have given you the time of day, but the reality is that if you called me just to tell me that I was a piece of shit or that I’m really pathetic I’d be so fucking grateful to hear your voice again just for that second that I wouldn’t even be upset about it. And I’m so angry at myself for letting some stupid guy who didn’t mean anything get to me and get in the way of how I felt about you and how I knew you felt about me. And I’m so angry that I didn’t take a second to stop and appreciate you and just everything that you mean to me. You meant the fucking world to me (you still do) and I blew it. I fucked up. And I’m sorry. And I’ve never been more sorry in my life and I wish I could turn back time and punch myself in the goddamn face for being such an idiot because you deserved better. You deserved so much better. And I can’t believe I ever made you feel like you weren’t enough because you were more than enough. You were my everything. And I’m sorry because I KNOW IM FUCKING PATHETIC but I had to tell you because I love you. That’s it. I probably will go straight to hell for making you feel the way I did and tbh I’ll embrace it because I feel so awful about it. but so help me god, I’m not going until you know how sorry I really am and how much I love you. God I fucking love everything about you and I didn’t say it enough and I’ll never be able to say it enough because it’ll never be enough. I love you. I love you. I love you. And I am so sorry.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s